do you ever put something off for so long that by the time you get around to doing it you feel foolish for putting it off and so rather than feel foolish you just don't think about it for a while... and then when you'd really like to get to it, you're embarrassed that you've let so much time pass???
yeah, that happens to me too.
so, the thing i was putting off was visiting a friend. how ridiculous is that? i wanted to see her. i knew she would be glad to see me.... but late in the summer and early in the fall i was feeling kind of blue, and i didn't feel like i had the energy to get off the couch, never mind go visit someone who might then feel like she needed to cheer me up, and then i'd feel guilty about making her feel like she had to do something to help... and so i never called.
and then i wanted to call, but i'd put it off for two months... and how do you call someone after two months? what do you say... "i'm sorry, i wanted to call you, but i just couldn't make myself do it..."?? that doesn't make people feel good. so, i put it off some more.
here we are, now five months since i last saw her.... and i finally decided to just get over myself and go see her this afternoon. so, i drove to her house, knocked on the door, she greeted me with a big smile and a hug, told me she was glad to see me....
so i was straight with her... i told her i had wanted to call or drop by but i felt embarrassed for not having done so sooner... and she said "i meant to call you, but then i was embarrassed for waiting so long..."
and there we were... both of us wanting to see the other, both of us feeling badly for not having made the effort sooner, both of us not wanting to feel foolish... and both of us missing out! what a waste of time!!!
we laughed and said "well, i'm glad we got that over with".... and had a lovely two hour visit.
and so, today i am grateful that i just got over myself and went to see her. grateful for her friendship and understanding, and looking forward to our renewed friendship.