Tuesday, July 20, 2010

having gratitude problems...

i've be very grumpy lately...

part of it is the infernal heat and humidity.

part of it is the stress of the house situation, which has not changed even slightly since last i wrote...

part of it is the "eternally unemployed doldrums"

all of the above mentioned parts have put a bit of a strain on my relationship with my husband... which has led to further grumpiness. and some weepiness.

and so, even though i've a lot to be grateful for... rather than sharing those things with you, i've been wallowing in my grump.

this will change.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

yes, i'm grateful - day 10

and with this post... i am finally caught up.


so... my husband has this gift for knowing what people need to hear. i don't know how he does it, but he can turn a hostile and defensive government employee into a friendly face on the turn of a dime.

we had a meeting scheduled with the Health Dept this morning... to discuss the logistics of altering our screened porch and deck so that they might meet the state standards (and so we don't have to tear them down)... when i made the appointment over the phone, she had seemed very pleasant. accommodating and helpful, at least.

but from the moment we walked in the door this morning she was on the attack. and i felt attacked! here we are, trying to make right the situation... trying to fix it so that she's happy, the state and county officials are happy... and we have a home that is safe to live in. and rather than just sit down and say "this is what you need to do..." she started yelling about all the things we have not yet done. things that have not been in our control.

it made me feel like a child being scolded... small and helpless, confused and indignant... and not sure how to defend myself.

my husband, on the other hand, nodded, said things like "so what you're telling us is this...." and "we just need to know exactly what it is you need for us to do..." and "you should be having a lovely day, did you see that mountain of goodies out on the counter that someone brought in for you?"

that last comment stopped her in her tracks.
she had no idea what to say, or why he had brought it up.

two minutes later she's smiling, the two of them are having a laugh... and she's a whole new woman.

i am SO grateful he has this talent.... because i certainly don't!

yes, i'm grateful - day 9

chatted online with an old girl friend of mine last night. one that i have not seen in a little over ten years... we were snowboarding buddies, road tripping to music festivals buddies, housemates for a time... and then estranged friends for a time, because we both had some growing up to do.

in the years where we didn't really communicate, i really missed her. i missed the closeness and deep affection of our earlier friendship. i missed her laugh and her enthusiasm for spontaneous activity. i missed being needed by her, and i missed having her to rely on when i was in need. i regretted the hurtful things i had said and done... and the hurtful things that she had said and done receded from my memory.

and then along came Facebook and we found each other again.

she now lives in another country, as do i. we both moved to said "other country" because we followed our hearts there. she understands the feelings of isolation and longing for those familiar faces and places that i have been feeling.

our friendship is not as close as it once was, nor as intense. but there is something very rich and deep and satisfying about how it is evolving... and i am so grateful for that.

Monday, July 5, 2010

yes, i'm grateful - day 8

Sunday's moment of gratitude...

a couple of cool things happened yesterday. the first being the fact that there is a rather large hawk that has taken up residence in the trees around our place. my husband and i were out on the deck having our morning coffee, and it landed on the fence.

here he is, photo take two days later...

we were admiring its size and plumage, when suddenly it lifted off the fence and dropped like a stone, out of sight.

next thing we knew, it was sitting on the fence again... dining on some small creature that it held between its talons.

a little gruesome moment of gratitude, i suppose. but a rather clear demonstration of the circle of life... it's always good to be reminded of one's own mortality from time to time.

and, i don't mind if the hawk is taking care of critters that might become a nuisance in my home if allowed to run amok with nothing to keep them in check. better a hawk than having to lay down rat poison, i say...

on a cheerier note, we had a bit of a 4th of July party. about half of the people who said they were coming didn't, in fact, show up. so it was a small but lively group of people.... with far too much to eat and drink.

and it was good.

and i have left-overs for lunch today. also good.

yes, i'm grateful - day 7

behind again! ack!!

okay, Saturday's post...

got up early (as usual on Saturday mornings when in training)... drove to Burke Lake to meet 9 other TNT folk (we were scheduled to run on our own due to the holiday)... and it was not only lovely and cool, but CHILLY even!! heavenly!

had a thoroughly enjoyable run, and then came home and woke up the household. i don't even remember now what i did on Saturday, aside from a little lounging on the couch with my sweetheart, and some general tidying up.

but if i can't remember anything to complain about, it had to be a good day, right?
so, i'm grateful for that.

Friday, July 2, 2010

yes, i'm grateful - day 6

it was lovely and cool again yesterday morning... and i got up early to meet my favourite former TNT coach for a 5 mile run around the lake.  i haven't seen him since the end of April, and we've never hung out  outside of TNT events, so it was really nice to catch up with no distractions.

he also runs faster than i do, so i was surprised to find myself back at the parking lot much quicker than usual...

then, on my way to pick up my sweetheart from work, i stopped in at a "new to me" garden centre on the way. most of the garden centres near me are a little bigger, but this one was surprisingly well stocked, with very good looking plants (the ones near me are pretty picked over, and a lot of the smaller plants look worse for wear after all this heat)... so it was really nice to find a place that still seems fresh and healthy.

and they have chickens running around all over the place! i guess the owners live next door, and when you look into their back yard, they have geese and chickens... and it just had such a great feel about the place.

what a great start to my day.