Thursday, February 3, 2011

things i'm loving today...

it's quiet around the house this morning... my sweetheart has yet to come home from night shift, my girl had the barfs this morning and though it did not stop her from enjoying her breakfast she took herself back to bed immediately afterward.

since that means i have not had to quickly dress and take her outside to play for a while, as we usually do... i've had some time to do a little reading, catching up on friends' blogs and such.

and now, it's time for a quiet moment of gratitude before i start the laundry and dishes and the myriad of other daily things i do...

here's a little list of things i'm loving (and grateful for) today:

~ my sweetheart has decided it's time for him to get in shape, so he got a gym membership... for both of us. and for the last couple of days we have spent an hour or more sweating it out together. last night as i was making dinner and he was getting ready for work, we were both groaning and laughing about sore body parts. i am grateful for all of this. not only will it make us both physically healthier, but being active together creates space for new growth in our relationship.

~ in spite of her occasional upset stomach and the tumbleweeds of hair that i cannot keep up with even if i vacuum every day... i just love my dog. when i walk in the front door and that little tail is wagging at a million miles an hour, how could i not feel joy? when she carefully and deliberately curls herself up on the couch just so... with her face pressed against me, how could my heart not just melt a little? when we go for a walk and there's snow on the ground and she leaps and frisks and snorts with pleasure, how could i not also feel engaged and awake and in love with the world around me?

~ the hawk is back... s/he spent all afternoon yesterday screeching and circling around the neighbourhood. the trees around our yard still seem to be a favourite location. so far, it appears to be just one... but with luck there will be a nesting pair here in the spring.

~ i have new shoes. i'm not really someone who gets excited about clothes and accessories and such. don't get me wrong, i'm always happy to have something new and pretty, but it doesn't excite me to go shopping. in fact, i usually dread shopping for clothes. i have one of those bodies where if it fits in one place it is inevitably too small or too large in another... which makes me feel crappy about myself. but shoes??? i love shoes. you're probably nodding your head and thinking, what girl doesn't love shoes? but, the kind of shoes i'm talking about wouldn't likely give most girls a thrill. i can't wear heels, as i broke my foot when i was 14, and it just doesn't bend that way. but, i went in looking for a new pair of trail shoes... you know, that kind that are good for easy hiking or running on trails. and found a pair of sexy dark grey & cherry ones :) and some new caramel coloured Clarks slip-ons.

my feet are so happy.

~ i stopped at the library the other day, on my way to pick my sweetheart up from work. i only had a few minutes to run in, find something i might want to read, and run out... so i picked up To Kill A Mockingbird, which i hadn't read in years. i cozied up in bed with it last night, and read til i couldn't keep my eyes open. i love nights like that. and i love that book.

~ i found these awesome snacks at World Market the other day. i am a three solid meals a day kind of girl, though i will snack if the meals get spread out too far apart, or if i'm really active. but my sweetheart could happily skip breakfast, often forgets about lunch... and then grazes from mid afternoon until midnight. sometimes he wakes up in the night to have a snack. his preference being cookies. i always try to keep them at least somewhat healthy (ie oatmeal cookies) but, in his new zest for getting back in shape, i've been instructed to stop buying sweet snacks. so, back to World Market....

i found these little bite sized crunchy sunflower seed snacks called Somersaults. they are delicious and satisfying, low in sugar, high in fibre and protein... and we both love them. win/win.

laundry calls... hope you all have a lovely day.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

nice talk

i once excerpted a bit of a running blog that i had found, and then couldn't find again... i loved the gentle message, and the running connection, and was sad to not be able to make my way back to it.

GOOD NEWS!!! i've found it again...

and the first post was once again just what i needed to hear. so i am going to excerpt if for your reading pleasure here, in case it is something you need to hear too.

and, so that i will be able to find it again any time that i like!!

... Dawn started talking first with a series of disclaimers that sounded like a medical ad on television. She told Dean that she hadn't practiced yoga in years, and was tight and inflexible.  She explained that she was a runner and a tennis player, not a yogi. She mentioned having tight hamstrings and shoulder issues. (This product may cause dizziness, shortness of breath, loose stools, depression, even death. If you experience any of these symptoms, see your doctor immediately.) I watched Dean's face as she spoke, knowing all her caveats and exemptions were fluttering to the ground around him, not sticking at all.
"Well," he said, studying her.
Dean paused here. You should know he is completely comfortable with pauses.
"The first thing we are going to work on is the way you talk about yourself. Your word selection. Tight. Inflexible. Inexperienced. We need to help you choose some new words and new phrasing. Your hip and your shoulder don't want to be called tight, they just want some love, that's all. How about this instead: I am learning. I am opening up. I am becoming more flexible. I am giving these places some much needed attention. Better, yes?"
Yes. Much better.
I ruminated on Dean's chastisement/encouragement to talk nicely to ourselves, to choose words with care and intent. I decided to be more mindful of how I talk to and about myself, and pay extra attention to the way my children talk about themselves. That night during homework Isabelle declared herself, "not good at math." Gulp. PAUSE. We talked through that one and I used Dean's example to help her empower herself with a new definition.
A perfect opportunity arose for myself the following morning... On set three, the voices started in my head. You're fading. What are you doing? You can't keep up with Paige at track, silly girl. Rein it in, dial it back so you have something left. You should have had more breakfast. You shouldn't have taken a Benadryl last night. You aren't built for speed. You are a writer who runs, that's all. You this. You that. Wah-wah-wah
...gloved fingers in ears, I drowned out the group pace chatter like a child who doesn't want to hear a grownup. A second of silence as we reset our watches, then Gilbert said, "Run how you feel, that's all."
And that was his gift to me. He effectively silenced the voices in my head and tuned me into my heart instead. My heart said, "It doesn't matter if you can dothis or not, but you can be this. Now run." And I ran like a child. 
Can you think with me for a second about what we could really do if we stopped telling ourselves that we couldn't? If we changed old habits of self talk, and rephrased our way to victory? I challenge you to listen to the way you describe yourself, out loud and in your head. Stop yourself mid-sentence if you have to, back up, and restate your claim. Words are powerful. Trust me on that–I am a writer who runs.
And a runner who writes

that is a lesson i could certainly benefit from.

it's time to talk nicer to myself.