on lazy mornings, love and finding home

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i have been basking in the quiet glow of happiness that comes with a morning of snuggling up to my sweetheart and listening to his heart beat for a while after turning off the alarm because i don't actually have to get up early on my day off, followed by wandering about the house in my pjs with mug of delicious coffee in hand, listening to the radio, contemplating what to have for breakfast when my sweetheart wakes up, and catching up on reading blogs.

all of these are things i enjoyed on a daily basis (pretty much) for the last 7 months of unemployment... i did enjoy them. but now that they are limited due to actually having a job... now, i REALLY enjoy them.

anyway, on to the point of me writing in the first place.

i was reading the latest blog from my friend Fandango, in which he writes about singing and pining, troubadours and knights and sirens, opiates of the masses and finding that moment of harmony.... all about love, really. he likens the search for love to singing, which is a metaphor that i can get down and dance with... he says:

Isn't that why we sing? We put it out there and hope someone will hear. That someone will recognize the tune and sing with us.

... sometimes the tune is familiar. And we sing it and someone sings along in harmony... and it is like... finding home.


the sad thing is that now that i've written about my morning and his blog, i don't really remember what it was that i wanted to say after reading it... maybe i need more coffee. or less coffee, because too much of it makes me rather squirrelly... and that is how my mind is feeling right now, like it's jumping from branch to branch and trying to remember where it buried the nuts.

anyway... it was probably something along the lines of writing about love. i think this because i left a comment on his blog that went kind of like this:

you think that pining is/was reserved for the privileged? ...

then something about serf maidens longing, serf boys dreaming, clean and wealthy noblepersons pining too...

and finishing up with:

love and lust and longing are primordial... heck, even animals pine over their loves lost or unrequited!

but you're right about that moment of harmony, because nothing feels more like home that loving and being loved by the same person at the same time.


i think maybe that last bit is what i was thinking on... yeah, that's it. because i know i'm lucky. i pined over the wrong men, i longed for the wrong life, i dreamed about and worked towards the wrong futures... and i sang a lot of songs, sometimes in tune but mostly not... hoping that one of them would fit...

but now, i'm living in love.... we don't always sing the same song, and when we do we sometimes sound off key... but there is joy in singing together, and in the singing, i am home.

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