random May e-mails from my mother

my mom writes the best e-mails... they're infrequent, but worth waiting for...

here is a very random selection of e-mails written in the month of May over the last 8 years or so.



May 30, 200?

Subject: tgif??

Hello - its Friday the last day of my holiday week and I have accomplished absolutely nothing that I had on my mental list of THINGS I MUST DO. Bummer dude or what. Its been bloody cold and rainy all week, but I did manage to spend 2 days in my bug suit filling up window boxes and tubs and doing quite a bit of weeding. High point of the week really. Ben is spending the day at home today. He committed a couple of majors this week so he has lost 2 weeks of beloved computer time and was not permitted to go on the school trip today (kicked a kid at school). Much waaaaahhhhh! Am off to do the cleaning stuff that I put off all week - just wanted to say ahola and hows it going cos it does seem like ages since I have. How's Andre? inquiringly yours, mummer xx


May 17, 200?

Subject: N E

My narchemesis (translation: my nephew's version of arch nemesis, which he informs my mother they are...) was here for a great sleepover and now we are on our way to his house for supper - delicious pulled pork a la Catherine. He had a great time wielding the "spatula of destiny|" all morning a long with some serious checker playing - he won every game, who knew? Super news about the flight - you will definitely be met by a raucous cheering section and potentially the aforementioned spatula. love must run xxxxxxxxxxx

May 26, 200?

Subject: Finally

Hi

Please phone soon

We had a lousy time in PG, except for visit with Kelly and Nigel....

Ben and Nigel did a lot of computer car racing - and did you know that one of Ben's favourite cars is a Jeep Cherryoakee - say it out loud, it works better - and also at Scouts on Monday, Ben's troop was playing Old Man and the Sea, a variation on British Bulldog. Ben did not ever get to be the old man and was always a fish - either a starfish or a tampon. Not sure if thats a reflection of increasing water pollution levels or (I suspect) a tarpon.

Please phone. I miss you. kiss kiss Mummer

May 2, 200?

Subject: FIRST MESSAGE ON OUR NEW COMPUTOR COMING YOUR WAY

Greetings Earthling!!!!!!

Ben: You know that old track that I got for Christmas , the race car one, well I managed to put that back together today. Its working great and I'm loving it!!! I'm still working on that cassette for you and Myk too. Also if you want any certain songs on it tell me on the next email. School is going great for me - my teacher's name is Mrs. Younger and she is very nice. I have 12 kids in my class altogether (that is including me)...

Loooooooooooove You ( peck peck peck)

Ben

JEN: okay there you have it - B's first e-note to you...I have finished the dreaded fosterparent bulltweet and although I should feel free and unencumbered I have a lot of Boy Scout BS to sort out. THEN I will feel much better about my organizational self.. Dad is off to Calgary tomorrow, Cath is nearly finished her term (Wednesday I think) and Ben gets his report card on Wed. THE MOMENT OF TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, now that we have christened the new computor I can email (nearly) every day to you - and I will. I'm sorta waiting at this very moment for you to phone so talk to you soon BIGTIMEOHYEAHLOVE mummer

May 8, 200?

Subject: gloom

Hi - quick note - Im feeling a tad eeyoreish today - Ben is having issues at school, its raining and Catherine is snarly that its making things uncomfortable. Are you frantically busy? Feels like I am but I don't really know why. kkiissss mummer

May 17, 200?

Subject: men!

Megs - I am horrendously sorry that I didn't get back to you in a screamin' hurry about the all encompassing issues with MEN. I'm actually at a loss of words and advice to be quite truthful about it all. I put it off for a few days to think about it and then I put it off again as it was virtually the weekend and I thought we could natter it over. Really though I'm a bit of an ostrich about love relationships.. I definitely DO NOT believe that the issue is yours but more that they are the losers. Is it too much to think that we can be admired loved adored cared for because we can think/articulate/act compassionately/haveestrogen moments/ and chew gum at the same time?

I have to say that the guy turned out to be a bit shallow and furtive did he not? What a dweeb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really Megs you have to go with your heart about the baby thing (note: I was not actually having a baby... I had simply been bemoaning my increasing age and continued singledom, and talking about the idea of getting too old to have kids, and maybe I should just plan to have one on my own...). Dad is panicking that I have said that to you - he's thinking of all the negative stuff about paternity custody and family pressures - but I think you are quite aware of what it entails and who you are..

anyways, as that knob Ben says, I am at home today having a bit of a mental health day so if you feel like phoning tonight I'd just love it. My heart is with you mummer xx

rainy day sunday...

laid in bed this morning listening to the rain on the window and decided it would be quite okay to sleep a little longer... lounged a while with coffee and the internet, baked bread, booked a flight home in July, read my new running magazine and contemplated going out for a run, had lunch, watched with great amusement as my husband nerded out with his newly recovered (and now growing) comic book collection...

still thinking about that run.

gotta love rainy sundays.

pretty, pretty, pretty...

drifts of fluffy white, smokey purple-grey, wispy rust orange threads, black-orange-red bobbly chaos, soft fuchsia, brilliant turquoise, bubblegum pink...

when i look out my window this is what i see. this is how i spent my afternoon... unraveling musty balls of yarn, found in my mother-in-law's attic and rescued on my behalf from the 25 cent bin at his father's yard sale by my husband.

my laundry rack now stands outside in the sunshine, neatly festooned with carefully unraveled and even more carefully strung and tied yarn... wool, mohair, silk, acrylic, cotton... you name it, i now have it, airing out in the hot Virginia sun.

not enough of any one colour to make a single large item... no sweaters, for example... but plenty for scarves and hats, socks or mittens too if i'm feeling adventurous this fall.

and even though it is hot, i'm looking forward to getting creative with it... come autumn, when it starts to cool down and the idea of putting on a scarf isn't enough to make one expire from the heat of it all.

on lazy mornings, love and finding home

~

i have been basking in the quiet glow of happiness that comes with a morning of snuggling up to my sweetheart and listening to his heart beat for a while after turning off the alarm because i don't actually have to get up early on my day off, followed by wandering about the house in my pjs with mug of delicious coffee in hand, listening to the radio, contemplating what to have for breakfast when my sweetheart wakes up, and catching up on reading blogs.

all of these are things i enjoyed on a daily basis (pretty much) for the last 7 months of unemployment... i did enjoy them. but now that they are limited due to actually having a job... now, i REALLY enjoy them.

anyway, on to the point of me writing in the first place.

i was reading the latest blog from my friend Fandango, in which he writes about singing and pining, troubadours and knights and sirens, opiates of the masses and finding that moment of harmony.... all about love, really. he likens the search for love to singing, which is a metaphor that i can get down and dance with... he says:

Isn't that why we sing? We put it out there and hope someone will hear. That someone will recognize the tune and sing with us.

... sometimes the tune is familiar. And we sing it and someone sings along in harmony... and it is like... finding home.


the sad thing is that now that i've written about my morning and his blog, i don't really remember what it was that i wanted to say after reading it... maybe i need more coffee. or less coffee, because too much of it makes me rather squirrelly... and that is how my mind is feeling right now, like it's jumping from branch to branch and trying to remember where it buried the nuts.

anyway... it was probably something along the lines of writing about love. i think this because i left a comment on his blog that went kind of like this:

you think that pining is/was reserved for the privileged? ...

then something about serf maidens longing, serf boys dreaming, clean and wealthy noblepersons pining too...

and finishing up with:

love and lust and longing are primordial... heck, even animals pine over their loves lost or unrequited!

but you're right about that moment of harmony, because nothing feels more like home that loving and being loved by the same person at the same time.


i think maybe that last bit is what i was thinking on... yeah, that's it. because i know i'm lucky. i pined over the wrong men, i longed for the wrong life, i dreamed about and worked towards the wrong futures... and i sang a lot of songs, sometimes in tune but mostly not... hoping that one of them would fit...

but now, i'm living in love.... we don't always sing the same song, and when we do we sometimes sound off key... but there is joy in singing together, and in the singing, i am home.

~

il pleut

~

so, after grousing about how stinking hot it was... we've had days and days of rain.

my skin is loving it.

my hair is curly and soft.

i weigh almost twice as much at the end of the day as i do when i leave home in the morning... what with the added water and mud.

**

as i was squelching my way around the garden centre this afternoon, wondering if it were possible to get any wetter, and wondering what i could do to make 5:00 come sooner so i could go home and warm up in a hot bath (which somehow i imagine feels dryer than the slow drip of the rain), and generally feeling kind of sorry for myself.... i caught myself, and deliberately took time to think about things that i was enjoying...

the birds for example... they have been singing their hearts out lately. non-stop serenading from morning to evening. they either love this rain, or their cussing sounds like music to my ears...

and the richness of the colours... the brilliant greens of new growth on the trees and shrubs, the vibrant blossoms and flitting birds...

and did i mention how much my skin is enjoying all this moisture? my fingers were little pink raisins by the end of the day, but... now that i'm showered and warm and fed and drowsy, my skin feels wonderfully hydrated and soft.

**

it's going to rain again tomorrow, but i don't mind....

it's my day off.