it seems i'm on a "quote other people who have interesting things to say" kick.... not because i have nothing to say, but because they just say it so much better than i do!!
“When you begin to touch your heart, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless…And if you follow your heart, you’re going to find that it is often extremely inconvenient…Get used to the feeling of falling.” ~Pema Chodron~
there have been times in my life when i've felt that vastness of heart, and times when i've let my heart close up shop, become tight and pinched and folded in upon itself. the vastness comes when i am actively open and vulnerable... scary stuff. the tightness comes when i am protecting myself. strange thing is, protecting is instinctual and painful. openness is terrifying at times, but also exhilarating and joyful.
so, why do i perpetually find myself coming back to clenched and defensive when it feels so much better to be open-hearted and falling??
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for me it is a perpetual fear of rejection - i really dislike that i distrust myself so much that i give my self confidence away to fear.
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