calling my heart's desires for 2011

in spite of a few beautiful memories, this has been a tough year. and so, i don't think i'll be sorry to see you go, 2010...

several times over the last few weeks people and books and movies have suggested/reinforced the idea that one has to put ones' hopes and goals out into the universe in order to attract what one wishes to have manifest in the coming year... in life in general, really.

and so, here's my little wish list for 2011... call it my "to do" list, my "bucket list" for 2011... call it "dream a little dream"... call it what you will, these are things that i hope will come into my life this year:

• a job. preferably one that is soul satisfying, but i'm not too fussy at this point.
• a car. doesn't have to be new and shiny, i'm just longing for greater mobility in my life... 
• a little self-acceptance. i haven't been feeling overly thrilled with myself this year. i need to work on that.
• babies. okay, so... this doesn't have to happen in 2011 exactly. but in this life time would be great. preferably while i'm still young and healthy enough to enjoy them. also, doesn't have to be plural all at once.

that's it. short and sweet...

my girl

thanks...

it's Thanksgiving here in the U. S. of A. and i've got a lot to be thankful for... and so, a list (in no particular order)...

• i am thankful that i got to spend Canadian Thanksgiving in Canada with my family last month
• i am thankful that we'll have friends to share in our Thanksgiving feast here
• i am thankful that my Grandad's cancer treatments are going well
• i am thankful that the on-going saga of screw-ups by the former owner of our home appears to be coming to a close... or at least slowing down considerably!
• i am thankful for the love and support of family and friends
• i am thankful for the cool autumn weather
• i am thankful for my nephews, in particular the safe arrival of the newest one a couple weeks ago
• i am thankful that the toenails that turned purple and threatened to drop off after the Marine Corps Marathon are still hanging on
• i am thankful for the neighbourhood cat who comes over to chat on my front steps every day
• i am thankful for the orange bush blossoming in our meditation room
• i am thankful for my relative good health
• i am thankful for rediscovering old favourites... music, books & friends
• i am thankful my sweetheart, who continues to challenge and support and love me
• i am thankful for all this, and so much more...

eclectic soundtrack to my list of thanks:  Short Skirt/Long Jacket ~ Cake, Groove Is In The Heart ~ Deee-lite,  On My Way ~ Danny Michel, Island In The Sun ~ Weezer, I Don't Know ~ Ryan Bingham, Something Pretty ~ Patrick Park, Hold On Hold On ~ Neko Case, Don't Wait Too Long ~ Madeleine Peyroux, Ya Habibi ~ Alkisti Protopsalti, Waiting For The Miracle ~ Leonard Cohen, Me Gustas Tu ~ Manu Chao, New Shoes ~ Paolo Nutini, Craving (Bollywood Remix) ~ Tatu, Paper Planes ~ M.I.A., La Realite ~ Amadou et Mariam, 52 Pickup ~ Ballistic Mystic

an exercise in futility...

Marine Corps Marathon ... a photoblog

adventures in airport

11:27 am

As a general rule, I like airports… There’s the “love actually” people watching moments, where you see the joyful hellos and the sorrow of goodbyes, and the broad spectrum of public displays of love.

There’s also the excitement of going to a difference place. I’ve always loved that about air travel… You get in, time passes, and when you get out you’re somewhere totally different.  You might see some clouds go by or the sun come up or go down… but unlike road or train travel, you don’t really see the transition from one place to the next. It’s kind of like magic.  You board the plane in the familiar, read your book and snooze a while, and suddenly the landscape has profoundly changed.

Then there is that satisfying sense of being almost home… of knowing that you’ll go out those doors and be back in the familiar once again. That sleeping in your own bed is just a short drive away. That when you get out of the shower you’ll have a whole wardrobe to choose from, and not just those three shirts to choose from.

But there are times when my fondness for airports can wear a little thin. Like the time I was flying across Canada to visit my family for the weekend.  Fly out Friday night, and back Sunday afternoon. Which meant that if all went well, I’d have one solid day of visiting, plus a melancholic morning of knowing I’d have to leave in a few hours… and two nights of not much sleep. Only to get half way across the country, land in the middle of a blizzard and get stuck in the Toronto airport for 18 hours… only to fly home without ever having made it the rest of the way. No visit with the family to make the long hours on the plane and even longer hours in the airport worthwhile.

Or right now. Can’t say that I’m loving the Dulles Airport at this very moment.

Between my volunteer driver oversleeping, and heavy rain that slowed traffic en route to the airport down to a frustrating crawl… I arrived 90 seconds too late to check in for my 6:25am flight. Less than two minutes, and they wouldn’t let me check my bag for the flight. If I’d had no luggage, they would have let me get on.

So, for a fee, they rebooked me on a later flight. One that would get me to my destination just two hours later than planned…That’s not so bad.  So I wrote an e-mail to my friend who was supposed to pick me up at the airport, had a coffee, called my sweetheart at work and chatted for a few minutes… and that hour and a half delay just flew by.

We boarded the plane only to have the airline staff tell us that the seal around the door was leaking water… and if it was leaking water, it may well also leak pressure (and air) while in flight… So they called maintenance to come take a look.

After a while, they told us that we could get off the plane, as they didn’t know how long it was going to take to repair. And then, as more time went by… they started rebooking people who were not going to make their connecting flights. I was one of those people.

By the time I got to the counter, any chance of booking me on an early-ish flight to Edmonton had already come and gone.  My luggage, meanwhile, went on to Cincinnati  (and ultimately, Edmonton) without me.

I’ve been here for five hours now, and have another four to go before I catch the first flight of my third attempt to get to Edmonton today. The muzak that was pleasant enough for 20 minutes while you wait to board is starting to rub my already somewhat frazzled nerves in the wrong direction… You know that feeling when you’ve been wearing a hat that’s a little too tight for a little too long and when you take it off your hair hurts? It’s like that…

12:23 pm

They’ve finally posted the gate for my next flight. It’s not at this terminal. Sigh.

1:47 pm

So, after a another train and a long walk down long and crowded corridors I finally found my gate. Only to be told that I had to go to customer service to get my boarding pass.  I arrived at customer service  mere moments after the crowd of people whose flight to San Francisco had been cancelled. Stood in line for an hour to get my boarding pass printed. And now (*insert  sound of angels here*), I am scheduled to board my flight in about 40 minutes. HUZZAH!!!

3:30 pm

Spoke too soon. Wouldn’t you know it.

Starting to lose my sense of humour now…..

3:50 pm

I’m getting on a plane., hoping it will actually take off. AND really hoping it lands in time for me to make my connecting flight.

Post Script... I arrived in Denver with ten minutes to dash through the airport to make my flight. And arrived in Edmonton 11 hours later than planned.  However, have had a lovely, short but sweet visit with my friend and her new baby... and am now on the bus (with free wi-fi!! a service the Dulles Airport can not match) to Calgary. I'm talking clear and cold outside, rolling farmland and golden fields, and the promise of mountains on the horizon.

Feels great.

joy!

having gratitude problems...

i've be very grumpy lately...

part of it is the infernal heat and humidity.

part of it is the stress of the house situation, which has not changed even slightly since last i wrote...

part of it is the "eternally unemployed doldrums"

all of the above mentioned parts have put a bit of a strain on my relationship with my husband... which has led to further grumpiness. and some weepiness.


and so, even though i've a lot to be grateful for... rather than sharing those things with you, i've been wallowing in my grump.


this will change.

yes, i'm grateful - day 10

and with this post... i am finally caught up.

huzzah!


so... my husband has this gift for knowing what people need to hear. i don't know how he does it, but he can turn a hostile and defensive government employee into a friendly face on the turn of a dime.

we had a meeting scheduled with the Health Dept this morning... to discuss the logistics of altering our screened porch and deck so that they might meet the state standards (and so we don't have to tear them down)... when i made the appointment over the phone, she had seemed very pleasant. accommodating and helpful, at least.

but from the moment we walked in the door this morning she was on the attack. and i felt attacked! here we are, trying to make right the situation... trying to fix it so that she's happy, the state and county officials are happy... and we have a home that is safe to live in. and rather than just sit down and say "this is what you need to do..." she started yelling about all the things we have not yet done. things that have not been in our control.

it made me feel like a child being scolded... small and helpless, confused and indignant... and not sure how to defend myself.

my husband, on the other hand, nodded, said things like "so what you're telling us is this...." and "we just need to know exactly what it is you need for us to do..." and "you should be having a lovely day, did you see that mountain of goodies out on the counter that someone brought in for you?"

that last comment stopped her in her tracks.
she had no idea what to say, or why he had brought it up.

two minutes later she's smiling, the two of them are having a laugh... and she's a whole new woman.


i am SO grateful he has this talent.... because i certainly don't!

yes, i'm grateful - day 9

chatted online with an old girl friend of mine last night. one that i have not seen in a little over ten years... we were snowboarding buddies, road tripping to music festivals buddies, housemates for a time... and then estranged friends for a time, because we both had some growing up to do.

in the years where we didn't really communicate, i really missed her. i missed the closeness and deep affection of our earlier friendship. i missed her laugh and her enthusiasm for spontaneous activity. i missed being needed by her, and i missed having her to rely on when i was in need. i regretted the hurtful things i had said and done... and the hurtful things that she had said and done receded from my memory.

and then along came Facebook and we found each other again.

she now lives in another country, as do i. we both moved to said "other country" because we followed our hearts there. she understands the feelings of isolation and longing for those familiar faces and places that i have been feeling.

our friendship is not as close as it once was, nor as intense. but there is something very rich and deep and satisfying about how it is evolving... and i am so grateful for that.

yes, i'm grateful - day 8

Sunday's moment of gratitude...

a couple of cool things happened yesterday. the first being the fact that there is a rather large hawk that has taken up residence in the trees around our place. my husband and i were out on the deck having our morning coffee, and it landed on the fence.

here he is, photo take two days later...

we were admiring its size and plumage, when suddenly it lifted off the fence and dropped like a stone, out of sight.

next thing we knew, it was sitting on the fence again... dining on some small creature that it held between its talons.

a little gruesome moment of gratitude, i suppose. but a rather clear demonstration of the circle of life... it's always good to be reminded of one's own mortality from time to time.

and, i don't mind if the hawk is taking care of critters that might become a nuisance in my home if allowed to run amok with nothing to keep them in check. better a hawk than having to lay down rat poison, i say...


on a cheerier note, we had a bit of a 4th of July party. about half of the people who said they were coming didn't, in fact, show up. so it was a small but lively group of people.... with far too much to eat and drink.

and it was good.


and i have left-overs for lunch today. also good.

yes, i'm grateful - day 7

behind again! ack!!

okay, Saturday's post...

got up early (as usual on Saturday mornings when in training)... drove to Burke Lake to meet 9 other TNT folk (we were scheduled to run on our own due to the holiday)... and it was not only lovely and cool, but CHILLY even!! heavenly!

had a thoroughly enjoyable run, and then came home and woke up the household. i don't even remember now what i did on Saturday, aside from a little lounging on the couch with my sweetheart, and some general tidying up.

but if i can't remember anything to complain about, it had to be a good day, right?
so, i'm grateful for that.

yes, i'm grateful - day 6

it was lovely and cool again yesterday morning... and i got up early to meet my favourite former TNT coach for a 5 mile run around the lake.  i haven't seen him since the end of April, and we've never hung out  outside of TNT events, so it was really nice to catch up with no distractions.

he also runs faster than i do, so i was surprised to find myself back at the parking lot much quicker than usual...


then, on my way to pick up my sweetheart from work, i stopped in at a "new to me" garden centre on the way. most of the garden centres near me are a little bigger, but this one was surprisingly well stocked, with very good looking plants (the ones near me are pretty picked over, and a lot of the smaller plants look worse for wear after all this heat)... so it was really nice to find a place that still seems fresh and healthy.

and they have chickens running around all over the place! i guess the owners live next door, and when you look into their back yard, they have geese and chickens... and it just had such a great feel about the place.


what a great start to my day.

yes, i'm grateful - day 5

it is lovely and cool today... sun is still shining, but the humidity has dropped and I'M LOVING IT!!!!!!

yes, i'm grateful - day 4

i spent a few hours volunteering at the Life With Cancer Family Centre Monday afternoon.
every time i am there i am reminded how precariously we are balanced on the edge of "good health," and at any moment we could drop.

all those children who have been affected by cancer... either they have it, their brother or sister has it, a parent has it.... and it's not as though they have done anything to bring it on themselves. it's not like they were ever smokers... for example.

i have had my ups and downs with my health, but for the most part, i'm doing pretty well. and i'm so grateful for that.

yes, i'm grateful - day 3

♪♫♪ Sunday Sunday... so good to me  ♪♫♪

it was stinking hot when i woke up... and although i had had some illusions of "getting stuff done," they quickly went out the window. 

Sunday was a day for lounging, curled up on the couch in the air conditioning, enjoying a cup of coffee with my hung over husband.... long chats on skype with friends... watching the soccer game with the roommate (who just got back from playing soccer in France, incidentally)... i didn't even cook dinner!

so a lazy day altogether. and i loved it.

yes, i'm grateful - day 2

okay... playing catch up now...

daily gratitude didn't last long now did it!!


so, gratitude from Saturday:

started the day with a 7 mile run with Team In Training.... we met at 7am, and i was no only on time, but fifteen minutes early. normally i roar into the parking lot moments before we're supposed to already be on the trail. so i'm grateful for getting there on time.

it was a relatively cool morning, though horrendously humid. but in spite of the sweat pouring off of me, some trail side sign told me i was looking good!!

my husband got home from work not too long after i got home from my run, and while he slept i found some shady spots to get some yard work done.

when he woke up, we went to have a glass of wine with a colleague of his.... and stayed for four bottles! i was designated driver, but enjoyed their drunken company (which isn't always the case when drunk and sober mingle)...

so an altogether pleasant day  :o)

yes, i'm grateful - day 1

it's quiet here this morning.... the little red dog and i were out and about before the sun hit full force... you know, barking at squirrels and watering the plants.

ask and ye shall receive, it seems.

i posted a little note on Facebook a couple nights ago about missing far away friends, because i've been feeling quite lonely the last few weeks. yesterday i had an e-mail with a phone number for an old friend that i've not seen in about two decades, and we have a phone date for the weekend. this morning i had letters in the mail... and an hour long phone call with a friend who's just had a baby and for the first time in ages had time to talk.

i feel re-connected.

funny how little it takes.

i think it's time...

to do another month of gratitude postings, because i'm feeling decidedly ungrateful these days.


GRATITUDE THIS WAY COMES!!!.......... starting tomorrow 'cos i'm really too grumpy to think of any to get the ball rolling tonight.

fairy lights...

i have never lived in a place where fireflies lived, until i moved to Virginia...  last summer we were in a pretty urban area, and i got all excited to see the odd one here or there, but here in the wilds of the new home... we have SERIOUS fireflies!!

my husband calls them lightning bugs...

there's something quite magical about them... little green glows, popping up here and there, flashing on for a moment and then off again, like morse code.

i wonder what they're telling each other... is it like the bee dance, indicating the good gathering grounds?



i was just out taking the dog for his last stroll of the day, and as i walked down our road there were a cluster of trees that were lit up like they were strung with the daintiest of blinking Christmas lights.